Looking for security – but isn’t life a mystery?!

Life feels like a mystery these days.

But wasn’t it all the time before too?

This morning I said to my friend Pia that when I met Adam I had a feeling now the suffering is done – that now I’ll never have a heartbreak again -YAY! That was my goal :)

Well… I didn’t have a heartbreak like in the past anymore… I rather dived deeply into pain and explored it instead of avoiding it. And still I felt pain again, I was exactly where I didn’t want to be again. Because it’s uncomfy, it takes effort and will move and change everything inside and outside of me.

Wasn’t it foolish to think that now I’m safe from all? Because of someone else?  

1stly – what kind of responsibility do I put with that on someone else?

2ndly – how much do I make my security dependent on someone else?

Well, we know in our both minds that this can’t be good, this is like calling for life to show that it’s all a mystery. But how to feel it in our hearts?

I’m sitting today with it – when I say sitting, I mean sitting, take 5 minutes and say inwardly: “Life is a mystery. How does mystery feel? Where am I looking for safety? And why? What do I hope to AVOID with it?” 

And I wait. I’m just there. Maybe in this 5 minutes, nothing happens – nothing that my mind can grasp. Maybe I start feeling very strong emotions. Maybe I get a message, have an insight.

No matter what it is – I didn’t only take time for myself, I also opened myself for a new topic & learning that I felt is coming up. I didn’t ignore myself and denied my feelings.

Life is a mystery. No friend, no family member, no partner, no job, no creative vision will save me from life and its mysteries. 

No one can fill up this longing for safety inside of me. 

No one is owning me that.

And I’m not owning safety to anyone neither. 

WOAH.

The pain I felt really deeply the last weeks was mysterious. I didn’t know what will happen and when. I’m right now in a situation with my best friend which I don’t know the outcome in my mind as well. But I trust and sit with what arises – keeping my heart open as much as I am able to right now.

Where do I have still strong emotions?

In which situations did I already have these emotions in the past? Oh… who do I need to forgive? Is it myself?

I remember today that I got my biggest gifts the last years when I just opened myself up for the GREATEST gifts. Great in terms of me growing, healing, surrendering, letting go, really get to know me, feelings, attachments & boundaries, discovering, being absolutely brave and believing in myself.

Great is what I feel in my heart – not knowing in my mind what the result will be.

I’m not posting every day for the #yogagirlchallenge but I do practice #everydamnday! I’m still living by the value that I’ll only share what comes from my heart. On the picture you see the powerful KALI GODDESS mudra – it’s her sword to cut through illusions and the goddess that is supporting me the last weeks. I also recorded a ritual & meditation for you to connect with this goddess and mudra.

Maybe you wanna share your experience with this topic?

So much love,

Aleks

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